Introducing the Amazing Leeran Circus

Do you ever have those days where you feel like a walking circus? I realized that I have issues with walking properly without constantly bumping into inanimate objects. Couches, lamps and even washing machines have proven to be my biggest obstacles. Just 5 minutes ago I even tripped over a towel while simultaneously knocking over a candle in my bathroom. No no, this wasn’t it for my circus act- I then knocked over my laundry detergent on the way to my bedroom.

And don’t even get me started on my mornings. Anyone know about the dropsies? I have that to the fullest degree in the morning. Anything you can imagine you might need for your morning routine, I’ve dropped it.

I figured it was time to confess to the world what a klutz I am. Well… because it’s funny.

There’s one Umbrella Tree I Wouldn’t like to be under…

So my friends and I got talking around the breakfast table today about old shows. One that we all seemed to watch as kids was Under the Umbrella Tree. If you don’t remember it let me refresh your memory. “Jacob” the Blue Jay, “Iggy” the Iguana, “Gloria” the Groundhog and “Holly” the human all live together “under an umbrella tree” in a bizarre yet perfect harmony. Because I can’t find any other words to describe this living situation I’m just going to go ahead and say this shit is whack.

My first concern is that Holly- the human, lives with a bunch of animals, or puppets rather. She’s got to have some major hang-ups to have to resort to living with kooky animals with names that coincidently fit their species quite well. I must have started watching this show because I got bored of Mr. Dress-up or because Word Bird wasn’t quite coming through with interesting words on Fred Penner.

Incase you need me to refresh your memory check out a clip of the show opening. Unfortunately this one is strictly instrumental and doesn’t have those ingenious lyrics that we normally hear on the show. I’m sorry I tried to find it but Youtube couldn’t help a sister out.

Remember this show now??? Doesn’t it bring you back to the days of Sam Crenshaw and the gang at Today’s Special??

Now I must get to my main point for writing this blog. My friend Sean confessed that he has/had?? a major crush on Holly from Under the Umbrella Tree. While I think she is a huge weirdo for living with puppets I must say I have been laughing out loud all day at the fact that someone actually has a crush on that chick.

I’d like to now post a video of Sean’s girlfriend to see what you guys think of her and her singing abilities. It also forces me to wonder, what is she doing now??? Hopefully she’s got her living situation sorted out. I’m guessing she’s been laying low for a while but is likely married to or dating Jacob the Blue Jay or Iggy the Iguana. Sorry Sean!

Totally Tuesday!!

Being unemployed and having a lot of free time on your hands might sound nice to you and believe me for the most part it is, however, it really forces you to look at your day in a different way.

Your accomplishments and daily tasks change from having to perform in the workplace to getting excited about the little things you do in your daily useless travels.

Let’s talk about the things I’ve accomplished today for example.

My greatest accomplishment= Politely and calmly asserting myself to the annoying SOB’s at Bell Canada who call every day at the same time. Every day when I see their number I usually hang up without even saying anything, then a light bulb hit me today. Why not just tell them to take our name off the list rather than being just as ignorant to them as they are to us? The girl said she would take us off the list. Now if that isn’t an accomplishment I don’t know what is. I tried to be nice about it, I swear. If they call tomorrow though no more Mr. Nice guy.

Other accomplishments:

I worked out twice today but that is slowly turning into my every day routine. If this unemployment thing keeps up I am going to be the buffest chick you know. Well… I never have been huge per say but my chicky legs might just decide to peace out on me and buff up.

I watched the worst Kirsten Dunst movie on the planet also known as Crazy/Beautiful. Words can’t describe how icky I felt after watching this chick flick gone wrong and the end result of me watching Kirsten strut around with greasy hair and bad clothing left me needing a long shower. Which brings us to our next accomplishment… I took a shower. hahaha. Okay so that isn’t an accomplishment but I feel better about watching that movie now at least.

(This is the trailor for the movie. I just wanted you to get an idea of just how greasy she is in this movie. Remind me to lay off the conditioner for a few weeks.)

I feel like I’m on the verge of getting a job so I need to enjoy my days of nothingness but I always have been someone who enjoys keeping busy. What good are weekends if we can’t earn our way towards them?

This is the first time in my life I have ever had NOTHING to do. Every moment of my time has been accounted for since I began playing volleyball in grade 6 so I suppose a little MEEEEE time never hurt.

Believe me this Aint No Magic School Bus…

So it’s about time we went on a trip together fellow blog readers. Things seem to be getting pretty serious between us. This time I’m taking you on the road to Toronto with me (yah I know laaaaaame). No I’m not driving and typing at the same time right now I’m sitting on a Greyhound bus. I travel in style.

I can’t put my finger on the exact smell on this beauty ride. I have narrowed it down to a cross between dirty gym socks and a bottle of Captain Morgan gone wrong. In fact, yes rum must be the culprit because some lady just got on and said, “Hey does anybunny smell dat rum on de bus.” And yes, those were her exact words, slang and all. Clearly nobody answered her because people are awkward and they don’t like to get out of their shy little comfort zones when a stranger talks to them. I gave her a smug, “I totally smell rum” grin. Hopefully she doesn’t feel too stupid now.

The bus irritates me but for the most part it seems to be a more economical option for traveling to Toronto given the gas prices these days. For 18 dollars I can get a round trip ticket and included in that ride is usually drunken banter from the moron who thinks it’s okay to drink on the bus, at least 2 conversations from loud talkers who act like they just got a cell phone for the first time and some little kid starting at me because I have a laptop and yes I’m playing Family Guy. Am I wearing something of yours little Timmy?

Today’s ride is pretty standard. I saw the “cell phone” guy while I was waiting for the bus and he’s talking extra loud today. He can’t seem to form his words very well though. It appears that he’s been drinking. Oh boy! I made a point of sitting as far away from him as possible. Don’t really know why he thinks it’s okay to look someone up and down but we’ll let this one slide as I hide at the back of the bus as from away from him as possible.

Directly in front of me, we’ve got a pretty awesome “convo” going on. It’s a shame I can’t make out a word of it though because it’s not in English. No evesdropping for me today. Thankfully, I’ve secured a seat all by my lonesome without some dude jamming me into the wall with his fat arms taking up both arm rests.
I can’t write anymore because the sun won’t really allow me to see my screen and some dorkus malorkus just sat down directly behind me in a prime creeping position. Let’s wait for a dark spot on the ride and I’ll be back.
BRB!
Okay so I totally lied. I never came back because I fell asleep. Oh the comfort and joy of Greyhound. Until my next adventure.

Later dooods.

Fresh out of Hateraid.

I just realized something about my blog lately and I feel the need to clear the air a bit. It’s been really cynical and hateful and hasn’t exactly reflected my fun loving, pocket full of sunshine self. Haha okay maybe I’m no Mary Poppins but I’m not quite as hateful towards pop culture as I have made myself out to be lately. Infact, I’m a pop culture fanatic. I am pop culture baby.

I came out of the womb and practically started dancing to Wham, wearing flamboyant yet trendy colours, turned on the TV and started watching The Facts of Life.

Whether I criticize a show or not I have a general appreciation for all of our culture’s finest creations. While I do mock shows like Rock of Love and dis America’s latest home girl Leona Lewis, I still have a general appreciation for the creativity in it all. Reality television is now a permanent fixture in the world of television and I certainly can’t say I’ve ever had a hit song on the top of the charts. Leona 1- Leeran-0

I want to now take this time to stop bashing my beloved pop culture and start showing a little appreciation by talking about some of my favourite guilty pleasures of our time.

-The Real World- This show has and will always be my favourite reality television show. Incase you didn’t know this is the show that started the Reality TV genre and while it continues to get trashier and more outrageous you can’t say its producers weren’t innovative in beginning a new niche in television. This season in Hollywood is completely “off the chain”. I once told my friend Ash that I would love to meet someone from the Real World more than a celebrity. It turns out that I actually saw Evan from The Gauntlet (it isn’t the Real World but it’s sort of the same deal) at a bar in London one time and I totally chickened out from talking to him. Totally blew it. Anyways, congratulations Real World producers I’m hooked on your show for life.

-M.I.A- This chick rocks. From being on MTV Canada’s latest socially conscious show Get Real to creating what I believe is a new sound of music, M.I.A seems to have blown up Internationally and in the world of Leeran. With hit songs like Paper Planes and Boyz M.I.A is an artist that has lasting power Internationally and particularly on a North American playing field.

-Death Cab for Cutie- Just when I thought they couldn’t knock my socks off anymore, they go ahead and come out with an even better album then their former one. I still listen to their hit track Soul Meets Body but now their latest single Possess your Heart has my vote. Love these guys. Might just have to purchase the album. No piracy on this one.

-One Tree Hill- I just started watching this show because I seem to have more time on my hands lately and I never wanted to get into this show because it seemed too intense to just watch occasionally. I must say I was right about that. This show keeps me on the edge of my seat or wanting to cry my eyes out in every single show. It’s one of those shows that you get emotionally invested in and keep watching because you just NEEEED to know what is going to happen in the next episode. I used to hate Chad Michael Michaels or whatever the shit his name is (okay okay it’s Chad Michael Murray) but he now has a small place reserved in my heart for playing Lucas the soulful writer and accomplished basketball player.

-Gossip Girl- XOXO….THIS SHOW! Why I didn’t put this at the top of my list is beyond me. I just read a sweet article on this show in Nylon magazine and it really made me appreciate the show that much more. Did you know they model the show after Marie Antoinette and that era, particularly the class structures. The plot lines are heavy but not to the point where the show will pull an “OC” and get cancelled after killing its main character. Everything from the setting of the show to the intricate and flashy fashions are brilliant!

-How I Met Your Mother- I think this show slides under most people’s radar. It doesn’t get nearly enough praise. It must be doing something right though because it’s been going on for 3 seasons now… I think 3?? Former child star also famous for his role as Doogie Howser MD, Neil Patrick Harris steals the show on this one, womanizing constantly and even creates his own language. If you haven’t seen this show before check it out. Let me know what you think!

-RAYMI aka www.raymitheminx.com- This blog is by far one of the most interesting ones I have ever read. It’s a simple concept but such an honest and thought provoking method of blogging. Raymi aka Lauren White truly puts herself out there and keeps her audience up to par with her daily tasks. I admire her style because it’s not something many of us could do. It’s a blog worth checking out.

That’s all for now but I’m going to make this more of a regular deal. I do enjoy hating on bad pop culture more than anyone but it’s time I showed some appreciation.

One love. Leeran out.

Is the circus in town or is that just CNN again?

I was watching Obama and Hilary battle it out yet again as the primaries continued on CNN last night and I noticed something. It seems the political geniuses over at CNN have turned their set into a scene from the Ringling Brothers Circus…but this circus is only in red, white and blue. A panel of political experts lined up in what resembled a bad scene out of Jeopardy and the only thing missing from the flashy podiums were buzzers and of course Alex Trebec. Patriotic colours red, white and blue were everywhere to the point where it looked like the American flag threw up all over the studio. I’m just waiting for Uncle Sam to make a guest appearance from the grave, for Anderson Cooper to show up with little stars shaved into his head and for the experts to wear American flag zubaz pants (remember those pants? look them up if you don’t).

Is all of this really necessary? CNN certainly isn’t choosing a just the facts approach with this one but what did I expect? I guess they never really do anything without a little flash.

These my friends are Zubaz pants. Remember those? Can you imagine Anderson and Woolf wearing these bad boys? I sure can. America F*&% YAH! haha.

Things that make me go hmmm…

Every so often in my daily travels, I see things that make me laugh in my own head or make me go hmmmmm… Here are just a few:

The Supermarket- I always observe people when I’m in the express line at the grocery store to see when they are going to put that little bar down. I think it is such a funny thing to watch as people worry for a split second that they might have to pay for their groceries and mine. It’s mostly older women that pull that stunt as fast as possible. I secretly don’t put the bar down to watch a mini freak-out take place by the person in front of me. Do you really think it’s going to come down to you potentially having to pay for groceries that aren’t your own?

Russel Oliver- “Cash man” Russel Oliver has been making commercials for his jewelery business for ages now. My sister and I used to love the commercials when he dressed up as Superman and said “I’m Russel Oliver and I’ll turn your jewelery into cash. OHHHH YAAAAAAAH.” So terrible and low budget yet so funny. It could just be a rumour but I heard that he got sued for wearing the Superman suit and the commercial got yanked off the air. I just noticed he has a new commercial on the air and it involves more of an 80’s hip hop vibe with gold chains and all. The part of this that makes me go hmmm is simply the fact that he still has commercials running, let alone still has a business to make commercials about.

Cash for gold- Heading along the same lines as Russel Oliver jewelery, has anyone seen the advertisement for Cash for Gold? It basically urges people to send in their gold that they have no use for anymore to this company who then promises to mail you back the cash. I wonder if anyone is stupid enough to actually mail their gold in the nice little baggie provided. There is no way you are going to get money back for your gold. I love that commercial…maybe I will make my own satire of it.

Mullets/people stuck in the 80’s- This is one that has been on my mind for a long time. I love the 80’s as much as the next guy and I am by no means saying people shouldn’t be stuck in the 80s but…I want to know what these people say to themselves when they wake up in the morning? Is it “damn I look good” with my business in the front party in the back hair style and my MC Hammer Zebra pants really accentuate my legs. It just makes me say hmmmm and believe it or not these fashions are all slowly coming back but it’s just funny. Power to them for being cool enough to stay in the 80’s I suppose and thank you for being entertainment for me.

Nurses or old ladies wearing bad floral or pastel???- This is something that has been on my mind for a looong time. Back when I used to be a city worker, my friend and I used to play this game as we drove by hospitals. We used to try and guess whether it was a nurse or just older ladies wearing bad floral or pastel clothing? Yah yah so the game was pretty easy but it’s kind of funny how the older you get the more you feel the need to wear floral. I totally plan on rocking out in floral but it’s going to be distinguishable so that people don’t think I’m a nurse

That’s all I got for now but seeing as how I’m going to make this into a 5 part mini-series I’ll be back with more things that make me go hmmm.

You’ve been Rick Rolled…

April Fools day helped to bring legendary 80’s pop star Rick Astley back to life, after millions of people across the world were “rick rolled” while trying to access videos on Youtube. His video “Never gonna give you up” popped up in the middle of Youtube videos, giving us a reminder of how terribly good 80’s pop music was.

This hit reminds me of my Rainbow Bright, Heman and Carebears filled 80’s childhood and makes me smile a little bit. Is it wrong that I was a proud owner of Rick Astley’s cassette tape? Is it also wrong that I’m slightly attracted to Rick Astley and his killer Ray Bans?

If you haven’t seen this video you have to check it out for joke purposes… if you have and were a fan enjoy the soothing 80’s sounds. Never gonna give never gonna give….give you up!

Cynicism and Loathing in Leeranville… 5 Worst Songs heading into the Summer

I guess you could call me cynical from time to time but I think it’s within reason. Lately I have been getting really sick of mainstream radio hits. Sure I like dancing to them at the club and enjoy hearing a new hit for the first time but when I am bombarded with the same top 40 hits on a daily basis I get annoyed. I think it’s time to expand my musical horizons and start listening to the radio less.

Here are my picks for the 5 Worst Songs going into the summer.

They are listed from best to worst if you can believe it.

5) Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown- No Air- First things first, let me clarify something for you Jordin Sparks…you certainly cannot breathe without air. Good point Jordan. For those of you that don’t know the song she asks, “Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air…” Well.. beats me because it turns out we need air to live. Quite a valid point. I’m sure she means it more figuratively than literally but frankly I’m sick of listening to whiny I’m so into you but you’re not into me love songs. Is that what the song is about?? I’m a jerk. I was also disappointed that my main man Chris Brown collaborated on this song because he’s so talented and shouldn’t stoop so low as to sing with a former American Idol that is sure to head back into the woodwork when her 5 minutes of fame are up. I don’t think she’s got the lasting power to make it like Kelly Clarkson did and is sure to become America’s next Rubben Studdard. Anyone remember the song I’m Sorry 2004. Didn’t think so. At least Rubben apologized for sucking so bad.

4) 4 Minutes- Madonna ft. JT- Like I mentioned in my introduction, I do enjoy dancing to songs like this in the club and did enjoy hearing it for the first time but I’m pretty much over it now. No but seriously Madonna, if we only have 4 minutes to save the world than why do you insist on wearing fur and driving around in an Escalade? Make no mistake, Madonna is a musical legend and I admire her endurance in the music world and ability to constantly re-invent herself but she is somewhat of a phony. She enjoys playing the role of the green celeb, always willing to lend a helping hand but I think it’s all just a publicity stunt. This song needs to stop being played.

3) Mariah Carey- Touch my body. Mariah nobody wants to touch your body except for those who want your money. You should really head back to the days when you were all cute and innocent and sang songs like Dreamlover and Fantasy. I agree she is a talented artist but I don’t particularly enjoy this tune, especially the part where she says, “I will hunt you down.” Fellas, is that not a huge turn-off when your Stitches clad woman is threatening to hunt you down if you run away from her? Get the hint woman. She should have stopped her career after Glitter.

2) Teardrops on my Guitar- by I don’t even know who because I hate country. So I don’t like country but for some reason I always seem to switch onto this song. It makes me feel ill. I don’t think that he’s the reason for the teardrops on your guitar, I think you are you big crybaby. Stop crying and start playing better music. That’s all I got on that one.

1) Annnnnnnnd the winner for most annoying and hated song going into the summer is………

LEONA LEWIS- Bleeding Love. UGHHHHHH! Can I just ask what it means to bleed love? Okay okay I get it Leona… you’re just so in love but your lyric choices make me feel sick. I sure hope you’re going to clean up that mess after you’re done bleeding your love all over the place. Whenever I hear this song I cringe. Does anyone out there like this song? I guess so since it’s been at the top of the charts for quite some time now. I challenge anyone who loves this song to post on my wall and let me know why you enjoy listening to songs regarding “love bleeders”.

That’s enough cynicism and loathing for now. Stay tuned because I’ll bring my happy go-lucky self back to let you know of some hits I actually enjoy. You might not even be aware of these artists yet so you might just go home with some new hits. Don’t ya just love getting new music? I’m like a kid on Christmas morning with that stuff.

Secrest out…I mean Leeran out.

Bad television at its finest.

Ugggh. Most reality shows are such a waste of time and brain power but I still watch them. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with us that we enjoy watching a bunch of pirate hookers battle it out for the love of one man or women that isn’t really worth the time of day?

I loathe myself for watching the Season Finale of Rock of Love with Brett Micheals. This is a guy who ends every sentence with “most awesome or awesomeness.” He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, enjoys boobies over brains and worries that most of the girls on the show can’t keep up with his rock and roll lifestyle. If I were on the show I think my problem might be the fact that I can’t keep up with his terrible sense of fashion. If you watch close enough, Michaels alternates coloured bandannas to cover up his bald spots. And if I were asked the infamous question, “will you continue to stay here and rock my world,” no I certainly would not. I don’t care how much money you have Brett Michaels, it can’t buy enough to make me forget how annoying you are.

Wow isn’t that nice a little sing a long with the girls.

Mugshot or glamour shot? You tell us Brett. It’s a most awesome picture if you ask me.

I hate myself for watching this stuff but I continue to watch. Don’t even get me started on this season of the Hills. That’s for another time because there is way too much to say. Until next time, rock on!